In her deep dark pit
Peace evading her
Waterfall of tears
Achig heart
Shattered dreams
Racing mind
Snakes in her stomach
How
Where
Why
Soul crushing
Perfecting her masqurade
Masks fooling everyone
In her deep dark pit
Silence
Smothering darkness
Tag: Alone
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Why does he continue to lie and manipulate her?
Continue to do things behind her back,knowing it would hurt her?
Why – when they are supposed to be best friends,lovers,eternal partners?
Doing things he knows is wrong, things he knows will destroy everything and he could loose her,loose it all so he lies and manipulates her.
Not sure how long loving him will be enough.
She married him knowing his flaws,knowing what he does,making her feel that it’s on her as much as on him.
How long will their love be strong enough to endure all this?
She can’t take the lies and manipulation anymore.
She has been willing to go through anything with him,no matter what but,this breaking of trust,this show of disrespect is slowly killing her inside.
Her believing that she would be the last person he would do it to,they promised each other love,respect,honesty and loyalty when they got married but, he has destroyed that.
Why?
She sits alone and cries,feeling like she’s dying.
She no longer has the strength for confrontation and fighting, so she just carries on trying to hold on, her depression eating her up
He doesn’t even notice,doesn’t see how much she’s hurting,how long last she actually had any joy.
Her happiness has been taken over by immense heartache,the one person she thought she could trust has shown her no matter who it is,there is no such thing as trust and honesty.
Sadly people are all about themselves, life has changed so much. Everyone is in it for themselves,as long as they get what they want they don’t think or don’t care what their actions do to others. She truly thought he would be different.
There is no doubt he loves her, then why does he continue to do things behind her back and lie and manipulate her?
He doesn’t see things as she does,she’s emotional he is practical.
He struggles to add emotion to things and situations unless it directly effects him. She feels emotion deeply, holds on to objects that have memories, he doesn’t understand. To him objects are just objects,not understanding the emotional connections she has to certain objects.
She feels emotions extremely deeply, be it her own or others. Wishing she didn’t,wishing she could be hard. Wishing she could find her joy,her fight again.
Missing the person she was years ago – full of energy, enjoyed life, found excitement in life and pure joy in living.
The Life that she wanted,that she dreamed of is gone. Now she just goes through the days as she must. Accepting defeat,sad and alone knowing that she will never have the life she dreamt of,the life she deserves.
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Dreams shattered
Dark clouds
Heartache clinging
Memories is all that’s left
Her dreams gone,her joy an ancient memory.
Surviving is all she can do
No more dreaming,no more hope
All gone into the abyss
Wearing a mask to avoid “What’s wrong?” Not wanting to say anything.
No-one really cares
No-one sees the heartache,pain, lost hope and dreams in her eyes.
Wearing her mask well
Alone,feeling like she’s dying
Tears streaming down her face everytime she’s alone
The incredible heartache consuming her
Dreams shattered
Dark clouds
Heartache clinging
Her dreams gone,her joy an ancient memory.
Until she is no more
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Muffeled screams
Running nerves
Rushing heart
in this deep dark nightmare
Losing my breath
Every heartbeat
BANG…..
BANG…….
BANG…… in my ears
Trying to find sanity, find colours, find joy
Where are the peaceful sounds of waterfalls,
The harmonious singing of the birds, the russling of the animals all around?
Where are the sweet smells of all the blooms,
the smells of the earth, of life?
Darkness……..
Darkness…….. all around,
No way out
Nowhere to run,
Falling……..
Falling …….
Falling……….. into the abyss
Fighting for light, for love, for colours
Fighting to reach the sights and sounds of peace…..
Fighting for one more moment,
One more breath,
One more handshake,
One more smile
One more hug
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Always feeling like she is never good enough,alone,hurting all the time, feeling like a total failure.
Always going out of her way to make sure to put a smile on others faces. Letting them know they are special making sure they don’t hurt and feel like she does.
Yet always feeling like she isn’t really really seen. Seen for who she truly is,seen through her eyes to her soul. Always feeling like no-one truly cares about her.
Yet,she makes sure no-one will ever feel like she does. Life is short and everyone is special in their own way,she might not feel like that but atleast she can make sure others feel love,have hope, feel special.
She does her best to make sure no-one hurts,feels lost and alone. Trying to protect them from the darkness that comes so strong,that takes your soul
She knows to well how it feels,wishes she never knew that feeling but knowing if she didn’t she couldn’t truly help others. Sadly feeling like that all her life no matter what she tried or accomplished.
The only way to survive this terrible terrible feeling is by holding on to one more day to give someone else their smile back,to give them hope and show them they have purpose and are special in their own way.
Yes, she hurts deeply everyday,feels like she is alone and doesn’t belong anywhere,feeling like a failure all the time but atleast she can make sure they don’t. If she never did that she would not go on,there would be nothing for her to keep moving forward and carrying on with life.
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You are broken
Alone
Sad
Disconnected
Your life isn’t bad but,yet it still feels empty,feels like something or someone is missing.
You feel you’ve let so many people down. You are the disaster wherever you go. Your own family couldn’t care less.
How extremely heartbreaking it is to feel that you are totally alone even with family.
Not belonging in this world, feeling disconnected and out of place everywhere. Feeling like a failure even though you know you did your best. Feeling like you aren’t good enough,never have been and never will be.
Sooner or later those in your life will leave – be it their time in life or be it that they have decided to distance themselves from you – you end up alone.
I guess you come into this world alone and you go out alone so while you are living you need to try do ypur best in life.
The saddest and most heart breaking feeling is knowing that the person who passed away was the only one who truly cared.
My Life,My Thoughts 