Commitment….

It’s been ages since I’ve blogged. So so much has been happening.

On the 25th December, the love of my life asked me to “marry him”. He has now committed himself and his life to me forever. We are doing a handfasting on the 23rd July – our second year anniversary.

I love him more than words could ever explain, but I do wonder if he realizes what he has asked and decided. It seems he still keeps our relationship quiet to people, like his family, his mom, and dad – the two most important people who should know, he hasn’t told. I know there are other women he hasn’t told yet either that I know are still in his life, and he still talks /chats too. He is still determined to keep me separate from his family and friends, I won’t lie, that hurts like hell.

How could you ask for a commitment and say you are committing yourself to someone yet still do that?

He has changed a hell of a lot, and I don’t doubt his love for me. I just worry if he is really ready for one woman and only one woman for the rest of his life. Is he truly ready to openly, honestly, without a doubt, commit to one woman? To admit to everyone that he is engaged and committed?

He calls himself my fiance, and I’m his. He’s always letting me know how much he loves me and is so affectionate towards me. He takes care of me so well. Am I maybe just overthinking everything? Is this wrong of me thinking all this?

He is the love of my life!! All I want until my dying day! Question is am I truly his, is he truly ready for one person by his side until the end??

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At this point in my life…

People are so fake. So sneaky,so unreal!! What happened to all the genuine people?

At my age I’ve seen and endured more than enough heartache and emotional games. People are just out there for themselves and don’t care who they hurt and disrespect. Then you try do what they do to show them what their actions cause and you are the disrespectful one. Never mind what they do.

The people I have in my life are people I want in my life. Life is fleeting and I’ve decided that either they are with me 100% and give me the same loyalty and respect I give them or I don’t want them in my life.

I don’t know how long I still have in this lifetime and I sure as hell don’t want to share my life with halfassed people who are not genuine. Half-assed people who are different in front of me than when I’m not around.

People are cruel to each other and play games in all aspects. Not caring who they are hurting and disrespecting, not caring that the hurt they cause destroys the person they are hurting and disrespecting.

Well, life is there to enjoy and be happy. I’ve fought enough, since I was very young I have fought for myself. Fought to try keep safe, fought to be a survivor and not a victim, fought not to give in to the darkness. All I ever wanted in life was to share it with that one genuine person who will love me as I deserve. Will see me and only me. Will need me and only me sexually, emotionally and mentally. Will only want me.

Sadly I know how I am feeling others feel as well. Thx to social media ppl play more games emotionally, sexually and mentally than ever before!! Ppl can lie so so much and so easily about themselves and live double lives.

If people can’t be real and genuine then they can move on. Every single person in my life is someone I hold dear and want in my life but, I’m not tolerating the double standards, double life, lies, deceit and games anymore – I deserve better!! I deserve ppl in my life who treat me like I treat them – with respect, loyalty and truth.

Respect, loyalty, truth are things I hold very highly and deserve.