SUCH A SAD SAD EXISTENCE WHEN YOU REALISE THAT YOUR FAMILY DOESN’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU. BLOOD IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT THICKER THAN WATER!!!
DEEPLY HEART BREAKING WHEN THE ONE PERSON WHO DID IS THE FIRST ONE TO PASS AWAY. THE ONE PERSON WHO YOU COULD TALK TO, WHO YOU KNEW WAS ALWAYS THERE NO MATTER WHAT.
YOU CARRY ON WITH LIFE, FIND LOVE, GET MARRIED BUT, THE LONELINESS AND HEARTBREAK CONTINUES.
IT’S A LONELINESS AND HEART BREAK THAT FILLS YOUR SOUL. THAT TAKES OVER YOUR EVERY THOUGHT, EVERY MOMENT, NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE DOING OR HOW INCREDIBLE YOUR LIFE IS MOVING FORWARD THERE IS NEVER TRUE PEACE.
SUCH A SAD SAD EXISTENCE!!
THERE IS FAMILY YET THERE MAY AS WELL NOT BE. YOU DO NOT EXIST TO THEM. YOU ARE NOT EVEN A THOUGHT TO THEM.
ALL THEY CAN DO IS JUDGE, CRITICIZE, IGNORE YOU. THEY CAN’T GRANT YOU HAPPINESS, WHAT THEY THINK AND HOW THEY FEEL IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU AND YOUR HAPPINESS.
YOU TRY TO KEEP IN TOUCH, TRY TO MAKE CONVERSATION, TRY TO KEEP THE FAMILY TOGETHER BUT, ALL THAT YOU GET IS FEELING LIKE YOU ARE SPEAKING TO YOURSELF, TO YOUR IMAGINATION.
IMPORTANT EVENTS LIKE BIRTHDAYS AND CHRISTMASES SAD, SO SO SAD, JUST MAKES YOU FEEL MORE EXCLUDED MORE ALONE.
SUCH A SAD SAD EXISTENCE!!
ALL YOUR LIFE TRYING TO PLEASE THE FAMILY, NO MATTER WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO YOU DIDN’T, BECAUSE IT WOULD NOT BE ACCEPTABLE TO THE SO CALLED FAMILY. YOU ALWASY, ALWAYS, ALWASY PUT THE FAMILY FIRST!! NOW, AFTER LIVING MOST OF YOUR LIFE TO PLEASE THEM, YOU DECIDE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT, THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND THE WAY YOU NEED BUT, YET YOU ARE NEVER TRULY HAPPY, YOUR HEART BREAKS EVERYDAY, THE TEARS STREAM DOWN YOUR FACE DAILY BECAUSE OF THE SO CALLED FAMILY.
SUCH A SAD SAD EXISTENCE.
THEY DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS NO MATTER WHAT, IT’S ABOUT THEM AND NEVER YOU. WHY CAN THEY BE HAPPY AND CHOOSE HOW THEY LIVE, WHO THEY WANT IN THEIR LIVES, WHAT THEY DO IN THEIR LIVES BUT, YOU CAN’T? WHY IS THEIR HAPPINESS MORE IMPORTANT??
WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT, WE ALL SEE LIFE AND THINGS DIFFERENTLY WHAT MATTERS IS THAT EACH ONE OF US, EACH HUMAN ON THE PLANET DESERVES HAPPINES NO MATTER HOW AND WHERE THAT HAPPINESS COMES FROM WETHER OTHERS AGREE OR NOT. HAPPINES AND LOVE IS WHAT OUR LIVES SHOULD BE FILLED WITH SO WHY CAN OTHERS NOT JUST BE HAPPY FOR YOU EVEN WHEN THEY DON’T AGREE???
Thoughts pounding in my mind
BANG….. BANG…… BANG…..
Imagery clear as a summer’s day!
Betrayal….. BOOM…..
Lies…… BANG….
Flirting….. CLANG…..
Secrets, hidden messages……. CLASH….. BOOM ….. BANG…. CLANG……
Promises broken, shattered, shimmering in a pool of tears.
Heart crushed, barely pounding….. bleeding, bleeding eternally
Soul destroying, never to rise, never to heal…..
Why…… why….. why…….
No more trust, no more laughter, no more love…….
Cruel, cruel cruel……
She was born beautiful and innocent
She was broken and destroyed into tiny, tiny pieces – her heart, body, mind and soul….
She was left alone to sweep the tiny, tiny pieces of her heart, body, mind & soul slowly, timeously back together.
To bring her soul back, to heal her heart, to cleanse her mind and renew her body….
She stood alone in the beginning, stands alone in her turmoil & fights. She stands alone to fight against all that was done to her…..
She is a warrior, her own warrior. She will prevail. She stands in her own power.
She is Unique. She is Powerful. She is Glorious and Wonderous!!!
She is all that and more!!
Her heart breaking a little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like rain drops on a stormy day. Her stomach feeling like a deep deep pit.
Sad So so sad…
She tries to move forward, tries to carry on as if everything is bright and beautiful. Tries to ignore it because after all he is with her. He loves her.
Sad so so sad….
She knows he isn’t just hers. She knows he still needs the opposite sex. She knows he still exchanges numbers and messages, does sexting and all sorts with them. All done in private. He tells her everyday that she is the only one for him that he is hers and only her but, Sadly she knows that’s not the case.
Yes he loves her, yes he is with her but sadly she is not the only one. She loves him and tries to live with that knowledge knowing he will never stop.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
She knows that one day her heart will break completely and she will need to leave even though she knows he’s the love of her life and to leave him would be to kill herself emotionally. To destroy her world. Knowing she doesn’t want to live without him but, for her own sanity and self-respect she will need to leave no matter how much she loves him.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
Wishing with all her heart and soul that he trully meant the words he says. Wishing that he would realise the heartache he is causing. Wishing he would realise that what he’s doing is so so wrong. Wishing he would stop and trully only have eyes for her and only have the need for her attention and affection.
Never saying no to him sexually, giving him free reign to her body and soul. Never denying him anything. So why does he still do all that in private? Why still need others when he has everything he could ever need with her. She tries to make love to him he stops her – causing a little more heartache, why stop her? Making her want to make herself small, curl into a small ball.
He acts like he’s single on social media, has pages that look like a single man’s pages. All the single women. All the likes, hearts, etc on their photos. Photos that he shouldn’t even be taking note of, messaging these women, exchanging numbers, photos, calls, etc. Causing such disrespect to her, such disrespect to their relationship. Devalueing their relationship, their love, their life together.
Sad so so sad… Her heart breaking little by little everyday. Her tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops….
She knows things without having to be told. She feels it through energy, her intuition and her dreams. She always knows. She just always wants proof, wants confirmation and sadly everytime she has looked for proof it has broken her heart. Everything she knows without being told has always always proven to be right. Her intuition is Always, Always right.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
Will he ever see…… Will he ever stop. The hurt, the harm he is doing?
Sad so so sad…… her heart breaking little by little everyday. Her tears steaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
She’s 47, he’s 21. They fell in love through turmoil. Their love a love stronger than any other. Better than any fairytale. A love that defies all odds.
It started strangely, unexpectedly, without warning. Drawn together with an incredibly strong link. An unbreakable bond.
A love that’s been through troubles and turmoil but, gets stronger and stronger. A love so intense, so strong, so unexplainable so real so absolute!
She’s his everything, his love, his calm and his storm. She holds him up when he’s tired, gives him all of her. He’s her sunshine in dark times and her rainbow in the storms. He holds her up when she is weak, understands her like no other. He is patient and understanding with her. They are each other’s life, each other’s Forever and Always.
They complete each other. Their souls intertwined for all eternity – a supernova – indescribable, eternal, an incredible breath taking union.
Together they stand no matter what. Together they fight. Together they laugh and cry. Together they make a home, a family. A story better than any love story, better than any fairytale.
My Life,My Thoughts 