You fill my soul like a waterfall fills the lake,
with beauty, energy and life
Caressing my heart like a mother caresses her baby full of tenderness
Filling my mind like a never ending story of immeasruable pleasure
Tag: Love
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Really?
Do you honestly believe that?
Through years of heartache and experience I have found that blood is NOT thicker than water!
The people who stand by your side, have your best interests at heart are not family, they are the people whose paths cross yours throughout your life.
Those are the special people whether they are there for a reason, a season or a life time they stand by you and help you through without judgement.
Family judge and criticise no matter what. You try your whole life to please them and do what makes them happy forgetting about yourself only to make sure you still have your family in your life.
Then the day happens that you realise your life is passing you by and you have never been truly happy, you choose your happiness. Unfortunately what brings you love and happiness doesn’t go with what your family wants or agrees with and you get kicked to the side as if you never existed!!
I will choose the people that come into my life for the reasons, seasons or lifetimes over the people who share my dna, who are supposed to have your back through thick and thin, whether they agree or not. There is definately NO such thing as Blood being thicker than water!
It cuts deep, so so deep daily that they will push you aside as if you don’t exist because they don’t agree with the decision you have made that gives you so so much joy and unconditional love!
What I thought a family is is obviously a fairytale. Aren’t they supposed to be there no matter what? Isn’t your happiness important? Isn’t family supposed to have unconditional love for one another?
SELFISH, SO SO SELFISH!!!
They don’t agree….. You don’t exist!!!
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So many words in my mind….
So many thoughts……
Love….
Anxiety……
Hatred……
Truth……
Honesty……
Loyalty…….
Disappointment…….
Should have……….
Could have………..
What if…………..
Betrayal…………
Lies…………
Secrets……………
Fears…………….
Hope………………
Loss…………….
Why……………….
All these words circling in my mind
Drowning my soul
Squeezing my heart
Moving forward everyday automatically.
The fluttering in my stomach
The sounds in my ears
My soul, my heart, my mind, my body ……….
Screaming!
Screaming so so loud!!!!!!!!!
The tears streaming down my face every second they get.
Use the mask, let everyone think you are great.
Laugh & smile so no-one know the fights you are fighting daily.
So much easier keeping it all inside no need to explain then.
So many words in my mind….
So many thoughts…….
Love….
Anxiety……
Hatred……
Truth……
Honesty……
Loyalty…….
Disappointment…….
Should have……….
Could have………..
What if…………..
Betrayal…………
Lies…………
Secrets……………
Fears…………….
Hope………………
Loss…………….
Why……………….
All those words from experiences that are eating me up inside.
The memories playing over & over like a never ending movie on slow motion.
Wake up every morning, put on your mask & smile.
Go to the bathroom – cry.
When you are alone – cry.
Just don’t let anyone know……
Don’t let anyone see.
Is this never ending slow motion movie ever end or is it eventually going to be my end?
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Holding her breathe afraid to wake up from this incredible dream…
Her life about to start with a man better than anyone she could ever imagine
The man she is so in love with it consumes her soul
He is her Forever and a day
Her lifegiving breathe
Her strength holding her up when all her hope, all her fight is fading
Her moonlight in her dark, dark days shining brightly calling her towards consuming love and peace
Her caccoon covering her with his arms keeping her safe from the cruelty she feels around her
She holds her breathe, the day is drawing near when they make their commitment, Give themselves fully to one another.
She holds on to the fact that their love is true
A one of a kind love, so scarce many can only dream of
Holding her breathe afraid to wake up from this incredible dream…
The time is drawing near
Her nerves running wild throughout her body….
Counting down the days drawing closer….. closer to their big day, big moment
The day they become one for all eternity, the day their lives change forever
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A thousand ants running in her stomach
A rock on her chest,slow heavy breathing
Drums in her heart beating harder…. Harder….. faster….. Faster….
A merry go round in her head everything spinning…. spinning….
Is this genuine? Is this real??
Is this a fairytale with a happily ever after or a heartbreak story?
Her mind going back and forth, thinking, doubting, fear, heartbreak, anger, betrayal, immense love, happy, contentment……
What to believe? Is she fooling herself? Can she really once in her life believe that everything is genuine,honest with no more betrayal,heartache,fears, tears,no more lies and secrets?
Can she truly put her guard down and do one of the most important things in her life? Can she truly trust again?
Is it truly the life of renewel, openness,honesty,love,loyalty and devotion? A life that beats any happily ever after fairytale??
A thousand ants running in her stomach
A rock on her chest slow heavy breathing
A merry go round in her head everything spinning…. Spinning ….
Drums beating in her heart hard,faster…. Faster…..
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Like trees infinitely restore our life giving air
You keep my heart beating
Like the sun fills a new day with warmth
You warm my being, my heart
Like millions of stars shining brightly in the evening sky
You feed my soul with your light, your essence
Like a mothers arms comforting her child
You give me peace, security, total contentment
Like the pieces of a puzzle that join together to form a magnificent picture
You fit with me forming an unbreakable bond
Like the happily ever afters
You give me my never ending, my love devine, a life far better than the fairytales
YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT!
YOU ARE ALL CONSUMING!
YOU ARE MY ALL, MY EVERYTHING, MY LIFE!!!
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Fiery heart
Weightless soul
Sea blue eyes
Shapely hourglass body
She moves through life loving, caring and saving lost souls
Helping them find their way, find their light.
Helping them see they to can shine
Teaching them that they to can face the world with wonder and beauty even with the storms
“This to shall pass” She says with strength
Everything is possible
Everything has it’s time.
Fiery heart
Weightless soul
Sea blue eyes
Shapely hourglass body
She moves through life loving, caring and saving souls
She shines like the sun in a warm spring day
Her voice like birds sweet sweet songs
Her soul ethereal, carrying her through, holding her up through the sorrows, the tears and broken pieces of all she saves.
She is a Survivor
The Queen
The Saviour.
She is Majestic, she is me…….
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You say you are committed to me and have always been.
Sadly your actions then was not of a committed man. So no you haven’t always been! How do I know that this is for real? That you truly are committed to me now?
I gave you my heart, my soul, my life from the first time I said I love you! You gave me false promises, lies, betrayal and manipulation.
How do I know that you are truly not involved in any way with other women like you used to be? You led a double life for so long, how do I know you aren’t still doing that? You do it so well. You are a master manipulator.
Tell me….. how do I know this time is different? How do I know you will never betray my trust again, cheat on me again? How do I know you trully are finished with other women? How do I know I really am your only one?
The promises you made then when cheating and living the double life are the same promises you make now. The things you said then are the same now.
There was always the secret messages, sexting,secret meetings, etc while telling me I’m the only one. Making pinky promises of forever love and only me.
Have you changed as it seems, or is it more of your manipulation? More of your lies and false promises???
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Thoughts pounding in my mind
BANG….. BANG…… BANG…..
Imagery clear as a summer’s day!
Betrayal….. BOOM…..
Lies…… BANG….
Flirting….. CLANG…..
Secrets, hidden messages……. CLASH….. BOOM ….. BANG…. CLANG……
Promises broken, shattered, shimmering in a pool of tears.
Heart crushed, barely pounding….. bleeding, bleeding eternally
Soul destroying, never to rise, never to heal…..
Why…… why….. why…….
No more trust, no more laughter, no more love…….
Cruel, cruel cruel……
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She was born beautiful and innocent
She was broken and destroyed into tiny, tiny pieces – her heart, body, mind and soul….
She was left alone to sweep the tiny, tiny pieces of her heart, body, mind & soul slowly, timeously back together.
To bring her soul back, to heal her heart, to cleanse her mind and renew her body….
She stood alone in the beginning, stands alone in her turmoil & fights. She stands alone to fight against all that was done to her…..
She is a warrior, her own warrior. She will prevail. She stands in her own power.
She is Unique. She is Powerful. She is Glorious and Wonderous!!!
She is all that and more!!
My Life,My Thoughts 