You say you are committed to me and have always been.
Sadly your actions then was not of a committed man. So no you haven’t always been! How do I know that this is for real? That you truly are committed to me now?
I gave you my heart, my soul, my life from the first time I said I love you! You gave me false promises, lies, betrayal and manipulation.
How do I know that you are truly not involved in any way with other women like you used to be? You led a double life for so long, how do I know you aren’t still doing that? You do it so well. You are a master manipulator.
Tell me….. how do I know this time is different? How do I know you will never betray my trust again, cheat on me again? How do I know you trully are finished with other women? How do I know I really am your only one?
The promises you made then when cheating and living the double life are the same promises you make now. The things you said then are the same now.
There was always the secret messages, sexting,secret meetings, etc while telling me I’m the only one. Making pinky promises of forever love and only me.
Have you changed as it seems, or is it more of your manipulation? More of your lies and false promises???
Wow! It’s been a while since I’ve put my thoughts and feelings down. This time of year is so extremely busy but, also such an emotional time for me for so so many reasons.
So this year I’m trying to let go of incredible hurt from betrayal from so many people. Heart broken from loosing my mom and it being my second Christmas without her. My boyfriend doing the biggest betrayal of all last year this time – having an affair that was going on for months. The one person I thought I could trust with my heart, my life. For the last few weeks I have been in tears more than not. I feel hurt and empty.
I feel like I’m going to explode!! How do you let go of these awful, awful memories and feelings? How do you enjoy this time of year again? I so badly want to get the joy and excitement of this time of year back, but I don’t know how. It feels like I’m still going through everything, not that it happened a year ago.
My emotions, the Incredible pain in my heart, the thoughts – all feel so raw and it’s slowly killing me inside. Will I ever be able to move forward from this immense pain? Will I ever beable to move forward from the disrespect, dishonesty and betrayal???
Help!!! I need to move forward!!!
Forgive and forget is easier said than done. Forgive yes,forget no, especially when you still feel the emotions so deeply whether you want to or not.
Her heart breaking a little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like rain drops on a stormy day. Her stomach feeling like a deep deep pit.
Sad So so sad…
She tries to move forward, tries to carry on as if everything is bright and beautiful. Tries to ignore it because after all he is with her. He loves her.
Sad so so sad….
She knows he isn’t just hers. She knows he still needs the opposite sex. She knows he still exchanges numbers and messages, does sexting and all sorts with them. All done in private. He tells her everyday that she is the only one for him that he is hers and only her but, Sadly she knows that’s not the case.
Yes he loves her, yes he is with her but sadly she is not the only one. She loves him and tries to live with that knowledge knowing he will never stop.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
She knows that one day her heart will break completely and she will need to leave even though she knows he’s the love of her life and to leave him would be to kill herself emotionally. To destroy her world. Knowing she doesn’t want to live without him but, for her own sanity and self-respect she will need to leave no matter how much she loves him.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
Wishing with all her heart and soul that he trully meant the words he says. Wishing that he would realise the heartache he is causing. Wishing he would realise that what he’s doing is so so wrong. Wishing he would stop and trully only have eyes for her and only have the need for her attention and affection.
Never saying no to him sexually, giving him free reign to her body and soul. Never denying him anything. So why does he still do all that in private? Why still need others when he has everything he could ever need with her. She tries to make love to him he stops her – causing a little more heartache, why stop her? Making her want to make herself small, curl into a small ball.
He acts like he’s single on social media, has pages that look like a single man’s pages. All the single women. All the likes, hearts, etc on their photos. Photos that he shouldn’t even be taking note of, messaging these women, exchanging numbers, photos, calls, etc. Causing such disrespect to her, such disrespect to their relationship. Devalueing their relationship, their love, their life together.
Sad so so sad… Her heart breaking little by little everyday. Her tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops….
She knows things without having to be told. She feels it though energy, her intuition and her dreams. She always knows. She just always wants proof, wants confirmation and sadly everytime she has looked for proof it has broken her heart. Everything she knows without being told has always always proven to be right. Her intuition is Always, Always right.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
Will he ever see…… Will he ever stop. The hurt, the harm he is doing?
Sad so so sad…… her heart breaking little by little everyday. Her tears steaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
Take a step back from life,from all your thoughts, beliefs,emotions- everything. Let the universe do what it does best. Look at your life with new eyes,as if it’s someone else’s life. Look at the people in you life – really Look. Look at the way your life is going. Look at everything around you with new eyes.
The constant worry & anxiety about things you can’t change. Feeling drained trying to control things knowing you can’t. Knowing very well that no matter what – things are as they should be & will always be as they should be no matter what you try,no matter how many tears you cry or sleepless nights you endure,no matter how many times you fight,beg or crawl. What will be will be.
You give,you love,you try understand. You shake with emotions, tears running down your cheeks. Uncontrollable, hurting,anxiety. Sleepless nights, fear,maddening thoughts. I will control, I will make things the way I want. No, not like that – like this. No……..
No matter what you try – what is meant to be will be! So give up control,let it go. Let the universe & all that it is – bring together what is truly meant to be. Let all the puzzle pieces fall into place the way they want,the way they should. Let them go where they need to, life will slowly be bright again. You will see.
You are destined for immeasurable love. Destined to have good people in your life. Destined to be someone’s only one,someone’s everything.
Give up the reigns,take back your energy. Let the universe & all it’s made of do your bidding, fill your life.
My Life,My Thoughts 