Drip
Drip
Drip
Slowly, musically
Drip
Drip
Drip
The crimson red
Drip
Drip
Drip
Time ticking
Tick
Tick
Tick
Sands of time falling
falling
falling
Scenes flashing through her mind
Her story never to be told
Once young & free
Now broken
Silver glistening in the sun
Crimson so dark
Thoughts fading
Heart beating
Boom
Boom
Boom
Her life story echoing into the abyss
When a question is asked again & again by, now he should know it’s because she already knows the answers & is giving him chance to be honest but,he just keeps on with his lies & deceit.
What happened to the promises:
Always be open & honest
No lies or secrets
Never do anything behind each others backs
No opposite sex
His double standards are killing the relationship.
She can’t talk to the opposite sex but,he chats & spends time with them & if anything is said then it is turned around & she is made to feel guilty,like it’s her.
If people just touch her on the shoulder he freaks out but,he allows the women to even run their hands down his back with the excuse that’s the way she is – NO not good enough!! He should put a stop to it but,no she must just keep quiet and accept.
He continues with the very graphic Facebook pages even knowing how it makes her feel.
He does things behind her back that he knows very well will hurt her but,when asked lies about it. Such disrespect
He is hurting her so so deeply with his disrespect,deceit & double standards.
He expects her to trust him but,yet he continues to deceive & lie.
When she trys to talk to him it’s immediate defensiveness & turning it around onto her. Shifting the whole thing.
She is tired,soul tired.
Now she just keeps quiet, shes tired of not being heard,not being respected.
Tired of not being able to say how she feels.
She is slowly dying inside,the hurt unbearable!!
She gave her heart,soul and life to him but,yet he continues to deceive,continues to disrespect & hurt her!!
How is she mean to carry on like this?
How can she trust him with anything?
Damn, I’m hurting so so much!
Why can’t I just speak up?
Especially because I am not the one in the wrong & it is breaking me.
Why am I so afraid of confrontation?
I feel like such a weak person, I mean how do you hurt so much by someone else’s doings and don’t say anything? How weak must I be that I keep quiet and let it eat me up inside?
When I have tried to speak up, it always gets turned around, confusing me so much that it ends up being an arguement about other things and turning it on me.
I am honestly so tired of this!
This is totally breaking me!! The ONE person I thought I could trust with my life, my heart, my soul is the one person who keeps deceiving me and lying.
How do I trust him again? How do I move forward?
We made promises to each other when we got married but, that has gone out the window.
He has double standards, I just can’t anymore.
I love him so so much there are no words to explain.
This is all killing me.
I’m sooo tired of always hiding my pain making others feel better
I dont want to feel like this anymore
Need a way to kill the thoughts, the pain
So tired…..
So tired of taking the abuse so others don’t feel it
So tired of taking the lies and deceit to keep the peace
So. so tired of double standards
I don’t want to feel like this anymore
I want to kill my pain, my thoughts
Darkness, pain…..
So tired.
So I lost my Best friend on the 23rd of May 2024 the person I did everything with, grew up with. The emptiness and lonliness is unbearable!!
My lifelong friend. We had the same taste in everything. She was the serious one, me the silly one.
We always said we were born in the wrong era and country. Our taste, our ways and interests not for South Africa or this era. We always used to have a good laugh about that.
Now I have no-one to share all that with. How do I go forward without her, without our shared interests and ways?
We were together most days, when we weren’t we always chatted on whats app. Not a day went by without us chatting.
Yes, I have my husband, son and Dad so I know I am not totally alone but, there are times I need a friend, a confidant. She was my everything in terms of friendship, we were closer than any sisters I know. Closer than I am to my sister. Sisters not in blood but,heart and soul.
How do you move forward? How do you deal with the loss and hurt?
The Never ending loneliness even when there are people around.
Always an emptiness.
Hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach
Heart racing a million beats a second
Mind Chaotic
Too tired to breathe
Melancholy setting in
Is this a sign of what’s to come?
Mind tired
Heart tired
Soul tired
Into the forest she goes to find her soul
Birds singing
Tress swaying
The music of the forest enveloping her
I have not had any time for myself and self reflection.
Now a new year & here’s hoping I will be able to get my thoughts down. I really need it. As it is I feel like I’m on breaking point.
I’m trying my best not to let the sadness & darkness win,today it is a struggle. I’m drinking anti depressants but,it doesn’t feel like it is helping at all.
I am so extremely depressed I honestly don’t know anymore.
I’m so tired of people, all they do is lie & decieve. No-one seems to care about anyone but, themselves – their loved ones included!! People have become so selfish with no respect, no thought for others feelings and what their actions will do to another.
I have always said the human race is the most hateful race and I most definately still think so.
So much deciet, things being done behind a persons back, the lies that go with that. Then there’s the stupid mind & emotional games that are played everyday slowly destroying your soul, your essence.
What happened to respect for one another?
They say they love you but, how can they say that if they continuously decieve and lie, continuously do things they themselves wouldn’t want done to them. How is that love and respect? How can they expect to be trusted & respected?
Let me go into the forest, live between the animals and trees. No more hurt, deciet, lies!!!
My Life,My Thoughts 