Contemplating……

Tired,alone,crying,contemplating….

Today I am full of tears, heartsore, stressed,full of thoughts and contemplation.

I’m deeply in love with a much younger man. He is my world. We have been together for just over a year. Living together as well.

Unfortunately it has not been easy. Our relationship has been one that has gone through many trials and turmoil that it amazes me we are still together. Loosing him would kill me inside but I sit here tonight contemplating whether I shouldn’t just let him go. Am I being unfair to him by keeping him with me?

We are going through so much worry and stress that I’m thinking I should let him go so he can have live a life with less worry and all the partying & girls he wants.

When I try talking to him about the girls, he gets angry and won’t listen to what I need to say. Thinking that I’m jealous – no its not jealousy, it’s insecurity. I’m a women, I know how girl’s minds and emotions work. No matter how old or young or what generation you are from. Woman/girls all work the same way emotionally and mentally. He uses my age as a reason to say I don’t understand but, little does he realise what the girls are doing now,girls did when I was younger and when my folks were younger and so on. They aren’t doing anything new or different. I can’t talk to him as it always ends in a fight. Before he cheated I trusted him with my life, I believed we were happy, I trusted him with the girls, truly believing he would never cheat on me, trusting him 100%, but, then it happened & now I question how I’m feeilng, I question everything. It destroyed everything I believed.

He changed so so much after the cheating that he is the most incredible man now and I can see he is trying. I can see he wants to be with me and loves me. He takes note of everything, the smallest things I say which is so incredibly special & means so much to me. He is so loving and caring and treats me so well. He says he loves me and only me. He says he’s happy with me and wants no-one else. Then why do I feel like this? Why??? I honestly don’t understand!! Why???

I truly love him, I really do. I honestly know he is the love of my life without a doubt. Is that enough reason to stay with him? Is it fair of me to keep him in this relationship when he is still young? Should I let him go and let him live a life without me so he can carry on with as many girls as he likes when and how he wants, go out drinking & go crazy? Should I let him go so he can live with his family and not have to worry about the financial issues & things we are dealing with??

He is my everything,he has my all!! He is my world,my life. The love I feel for him is overwhelming,so deep I never imagined anything like it. After a year I still miss him when we are apart even for a short time and can’t wait to see him. We have a couple’s tattoo of puzzle pieces where my puzzle piece comes out of him. It was chosen because he said I’m his missing piece he’s always had. We are complete together and that is truly how I feel.

So here I am sitting with my tears,emotions and thoughts……