Wake up…

Is he still by your side?

Is he sleeping when you are sleeping or chatting to other women?

Am I truly the only one?

Hearing the same words & promises when I wasn’t the only one.

Wishing & believing that I am his ultimate,his only.

The intense anxiety,the deep fear eating you up inside.

Are you right to give him your heart body mind & soul?

To give him your all, your life?

Sadly unless you catch him you will never know.

Check his cell? Never…. causing an arguement you don’t have the energy for.

You stupidly ask if he has strayed in any way knowing he wont tell you the truth. Yet you can’t stop yourself from asking him.

He is distant,moody,he shouts at you a lot. Your over thinking mind convincing you they are all signs there is someone else when you know that could be for so many other reasons.

When he cheated it literally destroyed your heart,your soul.  

It’s been years since it happened, yet it still feels like it just happened.  The hurt still cuts so so deeply. Any mention of anything that happened in that time period still cuts like a knife.

So so scary that one person can destroy you,destroy your soul in such a way that you will never fully heal. 

Your anxiety,panic attacks, thoughts & tears just don’t stop.

You hide your tears,anxiety & panic attacks from him knowing it will end up in an arguement. Knowing he will be defensive instead of trying to be understanding and loving..

In his mind it happened, its over saying things like –

“Get over it … “

“Stop being dramatic…”

“Grow up….”

“Deal with it….”

“It’s in the past…”

Deal with it – how? When that is your come back when I try open up to you.

Anxious, emotionally tired,soul tired,mentally tired,continous tears all in silence.

Picking up the pieces slowly…

One day ten stops ahead feeling good, the next 20 steps backwards with tears,anxiety,panic attacks.

Showing the world a happy face,laughing & smiling but in reality – struggling….