Like a volcano intense emotions filling her soul,burning every ounce of peace and hapiness
Like a waterfall tears streaming down her cheeks
Like a tornado thoughts causing chaos and destruction
Like a clown smiling and laughing but,intense heartache inside for no-one to see
Like a deep dark well filled with wishes and dreams her soul holds on
Like a bird in flight,so free and miraculous,holding on to the time all thoughts,betrayal,heartache and tears will disappear to join the freedom and peace of a bird in flight.
So many words in my mind….
So many thoughts……
Love….
Anxiety……
Hatred……
Truth……
Honesty……
Loyalty…….
Disappointment…….
Should have……….
Could have………..
What if…………..
Betrayal…………
Lies…………
Secrets……………
Fears…………….
Hope………………
Loss…………….
Why……………….
All these words circling in my mind
Drowning my soul
Squeezing my heart
Moving forward everyday automatically.
The fluttering in my stomach
The sounds in my ears
My soul, my heart, my mind, my body ……….
Screaming!
Screaming so so loud!!!!!!!!!
The tears streaming down my face every second they get.
Use the mask, let everyone think you are great.
Laugh & smile so no-one know the fights you are fighting daily.
So much easier keeping it all inside no need to explain then.
So many words in my mind….
So many thoughts…….
Love….
Anxiety……
Hatred……
Truth……
Honesty……
Loyalty…….
Disappointment…….
Should have……….
Could have………..
What if…………..
Betrayal…………
Lies…………
Secrets……………
Fears…………….
Hope………………
Loss…………….
Why……………….
All those words from experiences that are eating me up inside.
The memories playing over & over like a never ending movie on slow motion.
Wake up every morning, put on your mask & smile.
Go to the bathroom – cry.
When you are alone – cry.
Just don’t let anyone know……
Don’t let anyone see.
Is this never ending slow motion movie ever end or is it eventually going to be my end?
It’s been ages since I’ve blogged. So so much has been happening.
On the 25th December, the love of my life asked me to “marry him”. He has now committed himself and his life to me forever. We are doing a handfasting on the 23rd July – our second year anniversary.
I love him more than words could ever explain, but I do wonder if he realizes what he has asked and decided. It seems he still keeps our relationship quiet to people, like his family, his mom, and dad – the two most important people who should know, he hasn’t told. I know there are other women he hasn’t told yet either that I know are still in his life, and he still talks /chats too. He is still determined to keep me separate from his family and friends, I won’t lie, that hurts like hell.
How could you ask for a commitment and say you are committing yourself to someone yet still do that?
He has changed a hell of a lot, and I don’t doubt his love for me. I just worry if he is really ready for one woman and only one woman for the rest of his life. Is he truly ready to openly, honestly, without a doubt, commit to one woman? To admit to everyone that he is engaged and committed?
He calls himself my fiance, and I’m his. He’s always letting me know how much he loves me and is so affectionate towards me. He takes care of me so well. Am I maybe just overthinking everything? Is this wrong of me thinking all this?
He is the love of my life!! All I want until my dying day! Question is am I truly his, is he truly ready for one person by his side until the end??
Her heart breaking a little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like rain drops on a stormy day. Her stomach feeling like a deep deep pit.
Sad So so sad…
She tries to move forward, tries to carry on as if everything is bright and beautiful. Tries to ignore it because after all he is with her. He loves her.
Sad so so sad….
She knows he isn’t just hers. She knows he still needs the opposite sex. She knows he still exchanges numbers and messages, does sexting and all sorts with them. All done in private. He tells her everyday that she is the only one for him that he is hers and only her but, Sadly she knows that’s not the case.
Yes he loves her, yes he is with her but sadly she is not the only one. She loves him and tries to live with that knowledge knowing he will never stop.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
She knows that one day her heart will break completely and she will need to leave even though she knows he’s the love of her life and to leave him would be to kill herself emotionally. To destroy her world. Knowing she doesn’t want to live without him but, for her own sanity and self-respect she will need to leave no matter how much she loves him.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
Wishing with all her heart and soul that he trully meant the words he says. Wishing that he would realise the heartache he is causing. Wishing he would realise that what he’s doing is so so wrong. Wishing he would stop and trully only have eyes for her and only have the need for her attention and affection.
Never saying no to him sexually, giving him free reign to her body and soul. Never denying him anything. So why does he still do all that in private? Why still need others when he has everything he could ever need with her. She tries to make love to him he stops her – causing a little more heartache, why stop her? Making her want to make herself small, curl into a small ball.
He acts like he’s single on social media, has pages that look like a single man’s pages. All the single women. All the likes, hearts, etc on their photos. Photos that he shouldn’t even be taking note of, messaging these women, exchanging numbers, photos, calls, etc. Causing such disrespect to her, such disrespect to their relationship. Devalueing their relationship, their love, their life together.
Sad so so sad… Her heart breaking little by little everyday. Her tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops….
She knows things without having to be told. She feels it through energy, her intuition and her dreams. She always knows. She just always wants proof, wants confirmation and sadly everytime she has looked for proof it has broken her heart. Everything she knows without being told has always always proven to be right. Her intuition is Always, Always right.
Sad so so sad…. her heart breaking little by little everyday. Tears streaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
Will he ever see…… Will he ever stop. The hurt, the harm he is doing?
Sad so so sad…… her heart breaking little by little everyday. Her tears steaming down her cheeks like raindrops during a storm.
Laughter all around but, no laughter inside of you….
Things said echoing over and over in your mind.
Everything like a movie running slowly over and over. Moments good and bad, happy and sad running and running over and over, sloooowly, echoing…..
This disconnection, feeling like you aren’t in reality. Feeling like your life is a dream and your body is light, floating all around, watching from a distance. Everything an echo…
Running, running away far far away into the forest peaceful and calm. The mountain keeping me safe giving its beauty. The lake running full of life showing me its life source. Such peace, such calm.
She’s 47, he’s 21. They fell in love through turmoil. Their love a love stronger than any other. Better than any fairytale. A love that defies all odds.
It started strangely, unexpectedly, without warning. Drawn together with an incredibly strong link. An unbreakable bond.
A love that’s been through troubles and turmoil but, gets stronger and stronger. A love so intense, so strong, so unexplainable so real so absolute!
She’s his everything, his love, his calm and his storm. She holds him up when he’s tired, gives him all of her. He’s her sunshine in dark times and her rainbow in the storms. He holds her up when she is weak, understands her like no other. He is patient and understanding with her. They are each other’s life, each other’s Forever and Always.
They complete each other. Their souls intertwined for all eternity – a supernova – indescribable, eternal, an incredible breath taking union.
Together they stand no matter what. Together they fight. Together they laugh and cry. Together they make a home, a family. A story better than any love story, better than any fairytale.
