Mixed emotions

So today I have loads of mixed emotions.

My Dad and I are on our way to spend the weekend with my son who is in rehab. My emotions are all over the place!

He has 8 weeks left of his year program but,is begging us to let him come home.

I miss him terribly and hate that he is so far away but,this is something that is so Important. I pray that he has learnt and won’t ever go back on drugs again. My heart breaks for him.

On the other hand I am still dealing with and trying to come to terms with everything he and his friends put me through. A year later and I’m still struggling. Honestly don’t know if I will ever get through it.

The drugs and trying to kill himself 6 times totally broke me. How does someone get over this? I still get nightmares about it all.

In one year my world was totally shattered – my mom passed away,my son lost it and overdid the drugs and trying to kill himself blaming himself for my Mom’s death as they had an argument about 10 minutes before she died of a heart attack.

Also continously being lied to by my son and all his friends. People I did everything for,even opened my house to them to live with us even though I’m struggling financially and saw as part of our little family. The betrayal runs so so deep I can’t even explain.

Please people if you suspect anything do something immediately!!! Don’t trust them,they’re excellent at manipulating and lying. I made the Huge mistake of trusting him and his friends and believing that they would tell me. I honestly thought we had the type of relationship that they felt they could tell me. I kept asking them and spoke about drugs often so they would realise what it does,etc. They still kept promising me they aren’t that stupid. To my heartbreak, sadly I was manipulated and lied to for a very long time. I’m still totally broken.

So now I just try to take it day by day and pray that my son and everyone involved have seen and learnt the error of their ways.